Campus Critical Care Kit

What’s Inside the Campus Critical Care Kit

Welcome to Campus Critical Care—because apparently sleep, money, clean laundry and good decisions are now elective courses.

Embroidered Surgical Sweet Red Bag

For keeping every academic emergency supply together—unlike their life.

Two-Sided Campus Mug

“NO COFFEE.” on one side; "JUST SPARE CHANGE, CHEAP VODKA, AND ZERO DIGINITY." on the other. A ceramic status report from the dorm-room intensive care unit.

Surgical Sweet Koozie + Favorite Drink

Essential hydration for lectures they definitely attended.

Sarcastic Message Prescription Bottle — 30 Messages

One daily dose of sarcasm for deadlines, denial and unanswered texts from home.

Candy Prescription Bottle

A sugar-coated coping mechanism for acute academic trauma.

“Smells Like Tuition, Tears & a Minor in Bad Decisions” Candle

Light to cover the scent of stress, ramen and whatever is hiding under the bed.

25 Laundry Detergent Sheets

Enough for 25 loads—which should last the semester if they remember laundry exists.

USB Book Light

For late-night studying, questionable reading choices or locating the floor.

Sticky Note Set

For critical reminders such as “Call Mom” and “You have class.”

Deck of Cards

For medically necessary study breaks, roommate bonding, or high-stakes games of “Who’s Doing the Dishes?”

Three Highlighters

Because coloring half the textbook counts as studying.

Ramen Noodles

The official food group of higher education.

Five Energy Drink Packets

Emergency fuel for finals week and every terrible scheduling decision.

Mini Clif Bar

A portable meal for when the dining hall is “too far.”

Three Pairs of Earplugs

For roommates, hallway chaos and somebody else’s 2 a.m. crisis.

Black Sleep Mask

Because daylight has no place in a proper recovery plan.

Smarties Candy

Aspirational medicine for questionable academic choices.

Novelty Food Socks

One surprise pair inspired by favorites such as Oreo, Swedish Fish or Cheez-It—because even academic casualties deserve clean socks.

Campus Critical Care Door Hanger

Knock only if you have caffeine, food or a believable excuse for the professor.

Campus Critical Care Poem Card

A formal diagnosis of college, with a prognosis of “they’ll probably pull through.”

The Campus Critical Care Kit

Snacks, sarcasm and enough dorm-room life support to make it to finals—or at least tomorrow.