Campus Critical Care Kit
The Campus Critical Care Kit is a funny college care package with snacks, socks, a mug and dorm essentials, packed in a Surgical Sweet embroidered red bag.
Free shipping to the contiguous 48 U.S. states.
Welcome to Campus Critical Care—because apparently sleep, money, clean laundry and good decisions are now elective courses.
What’s Inside the Campus Critical Care Kit
Embroidered Surgical Sweet Red Bag — For keeping every academic emergency supply together—unlike their life.
Two-Sided Campus Mug — “NO COFFEE.” on one side; "JUST SPARE CHANGE, CHEAP VODKA, AND ZERO DIGINITY." on the other. A ceramic status report from the dorm-room intensive care unit.
Surgical Sweet Koozie + Favorite Drink — Essential hydration for lectures they definitely attended.
Sarcastic Message Prescription Bottle — 30 Messages — One daily dose of sarcasm for deadlines, denial and unanswered texts from home.
Candy Prescription Bottle — A sugar-coated coping mechanism for acute academic trauma.
“Smells Like Tuition, Tears & a Minor in Bad Decisions” Candle — Light to cover the scent of stress, ramen and whatever is hiding under the bed.
25 Laundry Detergent Sheets — Enough for 25 loads—which should last the semester if they remember laundry exists.
USB Book Light — For late-night studying, questionable reading choices or locating the floor.
Sticky Note Set — For critical reminders such as “Call Mom” and “You have class.”
Deck of Cards — For medically necessary study breaks, roommate bonding, or high-stakes games of “Who’s Doing the Dishes?”
Three Highlighters — Because coloring half the textbook counts as studying.
Ramen Noodles — The official food group of higher education.
Five Energy Drink Packets — Emergency fuel for finals week and every terrible scheduling decision.
Mini Clif Bar — A portable meal for when the dining hall is “too far.”
Three Pairs of Earplugs — For roommates, hallway chaos and somebody else’s 2 a.m. crisis.
Black Sleep Mask — Because daylight has no place in a proper recovery plan.
Smarties Candy — Aspirational medicine for questionable academic choices.
Novelty Food Socks — One surprise pair inspired by favorites such as Oreo, Swedish Fish or Cheez-It—because even academic casualties deserve clean socks.
Campus Critical Care Door Hanger — Knock only if you have caffeine, food or a believable excuse for the professor.
Campus Critical Care Poem Card — A formal diagnosis of college, with a prognosis of “they’ll probably pull through.”
The Campus Critical Care Kit
Snacks, sarcasm and enough dorm-room life support to make it to finals—or at least tomorrow.